Becoming 21 - Still Becoming
Becoming 21 - Still Becoming
Who am I?
It’s a question I’ve carried with me every day for the past 21 years.
Some days I think I’ve found the answer. Most days, I realize I’m still searching.
Lately, I’ve been making decisions that feel like a turning point — choices that may not make sense to others but feel necessary for me. For peace. For freedom. For growth. The kind of decisions that whisper, “This is your life now — own it.”
It hasn’t been easy.
This year, I:
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Chose not to enroll in any college subjects.
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Declined an exam my mom wanted me to take.
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Ended a 7-year romantic relationship.
Each decision was made with a heart full of fear, but also with a quiet fire of courage. These weren’t acts of rebellion. They were steps toward something bigger: my becoming.
I don’t have a backup plan. No safety net. Just faith — in myself, in God, and in the path unfolding before me. People may not agree, but that’s okay. This is my journey, and for the first time in a long time, I’m walking it not for anyone else — just for me.
I’m learning how to be still with my thoughts, how to be gentle with my spirit, and how to treat my body like the temple it is. Maybe I’m not the perfect example of someone transitioning into adulthood — but maybe I don’t have to be. Maybe just being honest, raw, and present is more than enough.
And so, to answer the question “Who am I?” — I’m still figuring it out.
But I’m finally learning to enjoy the process.
Every year on my birthday, I wake up with tears. It’s never really clear whether it’s joy or fear — maybe it’s both. I’m overwhelmed by the love I receive and, at the same time, anxious about what this next year holds.
Since I was 13, my parents would take me out for a breakfast buffet to celebrate, but this year, I simply asked to sleep in. Sleep feels like such a luxury these days, and honestly, that was all I needed.
May 7, 2024, fell on a Tuesday — a workday. I told myself it would just be another ordinary day. But life had other plans.
At work, my team surprised me with a bouquet, a letter, and a framed photo, all while singing “Happy Birthday.” I wasn’t even wearing lipstick — completely unprepared — but my heart was full. Their thoughtfulness reminded me that I’m seen, appreciated, and surrounded by good people.
Later that day, we visited Louisiana Elementary School – Lourdes Extension for a gift-giving project. I chose to do this on my birthday as a way of giving back for the countless blessings I’ve received. We handed out candies, ice pops, white shirts, slippers, and food packs — simple things, but they meant so much to the kids.
I shared a few words during a small speech — words I hope they carry with them:
"Remember where you came from. When you rise — no matter how high — never forget those who helped you, especially your teachers and parents."
My only prayer that day was that I could be even the smallest light in those children's lives. That maybe, even for a moment, I helped them believe in their dreams a little more. That they felt seen, heard, and loved.
I don’t have all the answers. Maybe I am a lost lamb, still waiting for my turn to be herded back home. But I trust in God’s timing. I trust that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be — even if the road ahead is still unclear.
And I trust that one day, I’ll be able to look back at this moment and smile — because I kept going. Because I stayed true.
Here’s to 21 — to more courage, more truth, more becoming.
And to the gentle reminder that being lost doesn't mean you're not on your way home. 🕊️
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