Maybe the Ending Won't Suck

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November 7, 2024 

Is it normal to feel hopeful and still be doubtful?

Today is November 7, 2024, a Thursday evening. I'm writing this with the hope of unburdening my thoughts—thoughts I wish to both bury and lift up to God.

Lately, my mind and heart have felt heavier with each passing day. Still, I wake up each morning trying to smile, trying to stay strong, trying to pretend that everything’s under control.

But the truth is, I feel lost.
Overwhelmed.
Like I’m drifting without direction in my early 20s.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who feels this way. But in between scrolling through blogs, essays, and late-night TikToks, I find a little comfort—knowing I’m not alone in this strange season of confusion, pressure, and invisible grief.

I want to be something and someone all at once. But life doesn’t work that way.
Dreams cost time. Desires ask for decisions. And circumstances—well, they love throwing curveballs that make everything feel ten times harder.

It’s not just about not knowing what’s next.
It’s the constant fear of messing it all up again.
Of making the wrong choices.
Of waking up one day and realizing I never became the person I thought I’d be.

2024, you’ve seen the worst in me.
I hope the coming years will be kinder.
I hope I find peace.
I hope happiness—genuine, gentle happiness—finds me, too.

But still, I fight.
I move forward.
Because maybe… just maybe… the ending won’t suck that much.

Or maybe it might even be beautiful.

I hope so.