Echoes of Exhaustion

Kanto Singko

January 9, 2025

It was a Thursday afternoon when I stopped by Kanto Singko to check on some minor renovations and the installation of new infographics. I asked Daddy to come with me—I'm not exactly confident when it comes to construction details (I’m more of the aesthetic consultant, if you will 🤪).

The air was filled with mouthwatering scents from the tenants’ kitchens, and despite already having lunch, I couldn't resist ordering a hotdog sandwich and a matcha drink. Small joys. Even better—Daddy paid for it. Win!

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January is supposed to be a fresh start, the beginning of something better. But this year, I feel like I’m dragging the heavy weight of 2024 behind me.

When will I feel genuinely happy again? The kind of happiness that doesn’t come with guilt, or fear that something will go wrong the next minute. I long for the version of joy that doesn’t feel like a borrowed moment—one that lightens the heart instead of reminding it of past pains.

I’ve been running on 2 to 3 hours of sleep each night, waking early for morning walks—not just for exercise, but to calm myself, to keep the overthinking from spiraling out of control. I keep asking myself: What did I do wrong? What do I lack? Why do I feel like I just can't catch a break?

Sometimes, I convince myself that I shouldn’t even feel this way because other people are suffering more. But even if my pain isn’t the loudest, it’s still mine—and it’s still real. I’m learning to stop gaslighting my own emotions. Small or not, my feelings are valid.

I know I’m not okay right now, but I’m holding onto the hope that one day, things will feel lighter again. That someday, I won’t just be surviving—but truly living.